Posts Tagged ‘porn’

Do you feel like your company is short-changing you by blocking internet porn sites? Do you feel like slashing your wrists everytime the word ‘BLOCKED’ appears when you try to move your way into sites like:

  • porn.com
  • teennudies.com
  • boobs.com
  • preggoplayground.com
  • literotica.com
  • naughtypinay.com
  • pinoyscandals.com
  • etc?

We need porn during office hours, but the superstructure is preventing us from doing so.  

So you feel you are entitled to porn during office hours, right? Especially when they make you work overtime. Or when your third cup of coffee fails and you feel like jolting yourself awake at 1 or 2 pm. Or when you’re too nervous to face your class for the first time and a seasoned co-teacher advised you to imagine your students in the nude to get rid of the butterflies in your stomach. Or you just can’t watch porn because your wife finds watching inanimate objects used for intercourse too disgusting.  

I know you can justify and rationalize why you need porn during office hours. Whatever your reasons are, I’m sure they’re as valid as the ones stated above. Let me share the solution. Now, you don’t need to settle for Faster Pussycat Kill Kill! to get your fix.

Yup, that’s like battling world hunger with a bag of peas.

You know what?I found a way around the fucking system!

These site blockers work in a system where your computer techies encode porn words in a system that blocks the sites that contain such words. What most people try is to randomly find  slangs synonymous to porn-related words and add ‘.com’ in the end.

Example: slut.com, whore.com, pinay.com, pussy.com, dickshaft.com, meatholster.com, salamihider.com, old_in_out_in_out.com, etc.

Now if your techies are as good as the ones where I work, you will content yourself to photos about prostitution in wikipedia.com, like these I found at 1.30 pm yesterday.

You might as well resort to dropping the mousepad-on-the-floor-and-picking-it-up-gimmick in the hopes that you will catch a glimpse of that co-worker who wears real short skirts as you lower your head.

I’m drowning here and you’re only describing the waters!

Remember this: They encode such words in ENGLISH! So the way around this system is to randomly type pornlike words in a different language! A few sessions in my Spanish class has taught me words synonymous to women like, mujer or mujeres, chica or chicas, hija or hijas. Use these words. I also found out that using the plural form always work.

Por ejemplos:

Instead of encoding chicks.com type chicas.com! By the way, chick.com isn’t a porn site. It’s a conservative Christian publication of some Jack or Jess Chick that publish anti-gay literature like this.  

So, instead of:

Or try something else,like cewek.com instead of whore.com. That’s Bahasa Indonesia, by the way. By the way, this is random and does not guarantee there is a porn site with a name like that. I tried Por El Revista, as For Him Magazine, but it didn’t work.

Great thinking, Mr. Cunning Linguist, but I don’t speak Mexican!

Look for one and have him translate words for you.  Can’t find a Juan, a Jose, a Pedro, etc? Try spanishdict.com. Now, that’s with a ‘t’, not a ‘k’. Either it gets blocked again or you end up being mistaken for a homo who has the hots for some Latino heat.